Insanity beckons!
by DrunkDrake
Summary: (Take note there are only 3 count them 3 chapters here. I've revised them and it might take some time) but good fun and games. With something almost like... plot
1. I am the idiot of your mind

IF YOU THINK THAT GAINAX OWNS EVANGELION...then your right. I'm 'borrowing'(taking without permission) the characters of Evangelion and making a fool out of them for my entertainment. If I happen to make someone else enjoy these then...cool.  
  
Do take note that these don't really fit in with the story line ANYWHERE and most likely could be damn funny to boot! I am a serious Asuka fan, but this is fanfiction land, it's open season for all I care *Loads rifle*  
  
This is a revised version due to changed posting restictions. However I've been dying to add a plot in here sometime.  
  
Enjoy!  
  
Any line with a + is the doctor sessionDrunkDrake  
  
Insanity Beckons!  
Interlude 01: I am the idiot of your mind  
~~~~~~~~  
  
The doctor looked at his watch as the time ticked away. Her eyes following the slowly moving second hand as it made it's way around the watch for the 100th time this day. Wait was it only a day...  
  
"Yo doc, ya listening?"  
  
The doctor shook her head and cleared her vision. She was back in her office, the sterile one. The one she used when dealing with patients. She looked up from her watch and over her notebook, past the pen, took a left past the eraser graveyard and...  
  
"Hello? doc? I distinctly remember that I was supposed to be the mental one here"  
  
The doctor smiled at her patient.  
  
"Sorry. That last one really touched a moment of my life too" The doctor shuffled her notes and reached for a new pen because her old one just died.  
  
"So what now?" The patient fiddled their fingers on their lap awaiting the reflective doctors orders.  
  
"Well... You've been out of coma for?"  
  
"7 days"  
  
"7 days. I've been told that while in a comatose state, dreams have a way of getting out of control. Tell me one of the dreams you had"  
  
---  
  
Shinji was sitting and was watching as something approached him. The setting sun was right in his eyes as the figure moved towards him.  
  
"Is that?"  
  
"Yes"  
  
"But...isn't someone..."  
  
"Irrelevant"  
  
Shinji doesn't move and he's flung back as if struck  
  
"Shinji why aren't you doing anything?"  
  
"I can't..."  
  
"Irrelevant, do as your commanded!"  
  
"NO!" Shinji's throat starts to constrict.  
  
"I'D RATHER DIE!"  
  
*WHAP!* The spatula Asuka was holding hits the back of Shinji's head. After she walked out of the sun light.  
  
"Oh come on. My cooking ain't that bad"  
  
---+  
  
"Interesting..." The doctor blinked as she noticed her pen fell out of her hand. She reached over and picked it up. Checking she noticed it too was now dead... 'damn cut backs'  
  
"That's nothing dock, this one kept replaying in my head. Just listen to this!" The patient then went on about their dream.  
  
---  
  
The eva pilot walked into the apartment. It was a mess. The pilot hadn't been in here before, and it was in an obvious state of mis-caring.   
  
The pilot walked forward with the mission in mind and headed for the others room.  
  
The person stopped at looked at a little tokened treasure that belonged to the other. Unable to refuse the rising curiosity, the frame picked up the little token, just as someone stepped out of the shower.  
  
Turning around the new frame was slightly blocked by light fading from the room. The person only had a towel on but made quick strides to take back their token. The figure stepped backlifting the token into the air as the towelled one reached up and took it back. However the first frame slipped and grabbed onto the showered one and over balanced both of them. The towel was lost in the fall and Rei Ayanami was positioned on all fours over a very naked Shinji.  
  
"Look Rei, I know your still pissed about last week, but really do you have to do this every time?"  
  
"I never expressed anger. I believe I'm enjoying this"  
  
"Whatever just gimme back the damned SDAT and learn to knock"  
  
---+  
  
Shuffling to get the comfort back in her newly uncomfortable chair the doctor wondered just how screwed up her new patient is.  
  
"May I recommend...  
  
"No medications..." The patient warned with a steely look in their eye.  
  
"Ahh.. sure, we'll resume this later" The doctor got up and left for her boss's office.  
  
---  
  
Gendo sat at his desk in his patented Gendo Position. He was the commander of NERV, super smart, cool and dashing(when he wasn't on some ego trip). He sat in his dark office that had the tree of life on the roof and the sacred ladder on the floor. 'Note to self have janitor put the damned thing back in the broom closet, I tripped over the damn thing'.  
  
Fuyutsuki was sitting on the opposite of Gendo and they were playing a game of sorts. A game of strategy, a game of risk, a game fit for any future evil ruler/destroyer of the world. They resumed playing as another figure approached the door.  
  
Dr. Akagi then entered the room stopping past the door as it swished closed behind her. She didn't go far enough as the closing doors nipped her butt. 'Damn doors, this'll be the 3rd time this week. I could have sworn I fixed them yesterday?!'. She walked towards the desk of Gendo as she heard odd noises coming from and grunting. She deftly stepped over the miss placed ladder and stopped in front of the desk. Shock immediately, settled on her face, at the scene of what the 2 adult men were doing.  
  
"WHAT THE HELL!?"  
  
Gendo and Fuyutsuki paused a looked up for a moment.  
  
"Something to report Doctor?"  
  
"What the hell are you going?!"  
  
"Playing a game of strategy, a game of risk, a game fit for any future evil ruler/destroyer of the world"  
  
"HUNGRY, HUNGRY HIPPOS!?"  
  
"Yeah, so?"  
  
"That's a kid's game!"  
  
"...No it's not..."  
  
"Look! It is!"  
  
All 3 look at the game. Gendo looked up at her.  
  
"It's a game of fast reflexes and waiting for the opportune time to strike to maximize your gain!"  
  
"You only wanna keep playing this cause you keep winning Gendo" Fuyutsuki said pinning him with a stare. "And you always beat me to the cute lucky pink one too!"  
  
Akagi only stared at the 2 men before back stepping and leaving the room. She sighed greatly as she left. The doors nipping her butt again on the way out.  
  
"You ever gonna fix the doors to stop doing that?" Fuyutsuki looked up at Gendo.  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Good point"  
  
---+  
  
The doctor returned and leapt when the door closed too early.  
  
"That looks like it might hurt..." the patient said pointing and the newly closed door  
  
"It's worse then it seems. Well, I believe we should continue in your best interest, so go on"  
  
---  
  
Asuka was the best damn pilot of the all the choose Children, She had trained from age 4 to be the best, she had her EVA painted red as a sigh of strength and with an IQ over 150 she had a college diploma. Even a master of 2 languages! She was the best of the best!  
  
If only she bothered to brush up on her Kanji though...  
  
"DAMN TEACHER! A 2000 word essay due for tomorrow!"  
  
---+  
  
"Your sure that was a dream, cause I remember that had happened only a few months back..." the doctor mused chewing on the eraser side of her pencil.  
  
"Look, who's telling the story here anyway?" The patient glared and the doctor replied with a hand that pointed up  
  
"Why the author of course!" the doctor lowered her hand as the patient wondered who the mental case was.  
  
"Right... Well it turns out that this next dream was connected to the last one!"  
  
"Do tell" The doctor rested her chin in her palm as the patient once again foretold their story.  
  
---  
  
~~Operation Rayanami~~  
  
Rei was wandering around the classroom during a break and barging into any conversations that she came across. Her blood red iris's had a tendency to creep anybody out if she gave someone a stare. She much rather enjoyed it really. But she had no friends(sigh) If only I were normal she thought.  
  
A thought came to her mind just then.  
  
Everyone in the class suddenly stopped what they were doing when maniacal laughing was coming from somewhere. Seeing it was Kensuke drooling over something about hand held N^2 portable hand grenades, everything went back to normal.  
  
---  
  
Rei stayed up all night staring at the mirror. 'In order for my plan to work, I must show emotion'. Rei stared with her emotionless mask into the mirror. 'Ok let's try something simple...a glare' Rei's eyes narrowed very slightly and the air around her suddenly got chili. The mirror promptly got covered in mist. 'Ok, not bad. Let's try a smile' Rei's face slowly spread into a small almost invisible smile. The room started to glow. Rei felt as if she was ready and started at laugh. The universe promptly did a 180 and everything that was right with the world fell on it's assets.  
  
~*~*~  
  
"Owww! Shinji, why'd you hit me?!"  
  
Shinji stared at his fist as it hovered in the air from where it had solidly connected with Asuka's chin.  
  
"I don't know but DAMN IT FELT GOOD!!!!"  
  
~*~*~  
  
Gendo suddenly felt very guilty and started handing out fruit baskets to everyone in NERV and he started to wipe the floors clean with a mop.  
  
Fuyutsuki sat naked in the command chair in the main office with about every security camera on him 'I feel dangerous today'  
  
Maya started a Congo line and Makoto actually combed the mess that was his hair, while Aoba ripped off his wig showing he was naturally bald.  
  
~*~*~  
  
Misato drove 10 miles under the speed limit and graciously waved other drivers forward.  
  
Ritsuko was running around in EVA 00(Don't ask how, I merely type this garbage) screaming "Momma! I can't lose! Not with my Mommy watching!!!" she promptly did the nicest thingin her heart and decided to practice long jumps over the school. Obviously not skilled(or caring) enough she ran through it. Utterly trashing it.  
  
Hikari shrieked, that she ran out of booze and Toji cried about not being able to go to school. Kensuke became an interior decorator using rose's and pansies as designing tools.  
  
~*~*~  
  
Yes the world truly was screwed, however this only lasting 2.93 seconds as Rei forgot why she was smiling and returned to her emotionless mask. She begun operation "Rayanami".  
  
She wondered how everyone would react to the new girl coming to school tomorrow.  
  
---  
  
"What's with Rei?" Hikari had leaned over and was whispering to Asuka. Asuka merely shook her head.  
  
"Hi, I'm Ikkumfie(I'm comfy) Rayanami!"  
  
The whole class sweat dropped and fell out of their seats laughing. Rei was standing at the front of class with a red bow tie in her hair and oddly placed lip stick patches that would be a fashion state, unless you were an Indiana warrior. 'Perhaps they are smarter then originally perceived'.  
  
~~Operation Rayanami completed~~(Was I the only one that feels changed from this experience?)  
  
---+  
  
"I feel changed from this..." the doctor shivered in her chair as the patient sat almost blissfully unaware of their surroundings. "Wait what connect did those 2 stories have anyway?"  
  
"When did you think Shinji hit Asuka?" the doctor shrugged "Right after hearing her bitch about her homework! D'uh! HELLO, TICKET TO OBVIOUSVILLE, seating for one" The patient pointed at the doctor.  
  
"You'd better have one that makes me feel lovy-dovy or else I'm gonna inject so much prozac in you, that you'll always have a smile on your face, even as I nail to the cross in the basement"  
  
The patient gulped as the doctor reached for her desk drawer.  
  
---  
  
Shinji lay awake in bed listening to his SDAT. He suddenly noticed movement behind him and he stopped his music. the feet padded off to the bathroom where a flush was heard and feet made a return trip.  
  
Shinji felt rather then heard the body collapse in front of him. He opened his eyes and saw Asuka right in front of him. He leaned forward for a kiss when her eyes suddenly shot open. Shinji stained the bed with his sudden flood of sweat.  
  
"Ahh...Shinji?"  
  
"ahh..umm......er...yeah?"  
  
"What are you doing in my room..."  
  
"ummm....ahhh....yeah....errr"  
  
"YOU BAKA HENTAI PERVERT STUPID IDIOT JERK DUMMKOPF(and the list goes on and on and on)  
  
Asuka started to kick Shinji out the door and promptly made a little pile of Shinji in the middle of hall. Having enough of her fury die out she left and closed her door. She smiled that he had actually made a move on her. She flopped onto her bed and went to sleep.  
  
Shinji let loose a sigh of relief that she hadn't found out the reason he went in. Her reached under his shirt and pulled out every picture of Kaji that Asuka had.  
  
"It's just you and me handsome"  
  
---+  
  
The doctor was slumped over with a semi-happy smile gracing her lips...  
  
"I always knew those two were meant for each other..."  
  
"Ahhh. Which two doc?"  
  
"Ah, oh... NOTHING NOTHING" The doctor sat straight up and fixed her glasses "So umm, I guess we should" The doctor stopped as her watch rung.  
  
"Oh damn, time's up! the party is soon. Sorry but I gotta go" The doctor rushed out.  
  
"No problem. I gotta go too" The patient exitted the same way the doctor went.  
  
---  
  
~~Christmas gets on everybodies NERV's~~  
  
It was Christmas eve and Gendo felt festive. He paused and shook his head. 'These feelings will cause me to lose sight of my plan...I need away to make people hate me, but I don't want to totally screw up Christmas' Gendo pondered and suddenly he came up with the perfect idea. He hurriedly ran out of his office, but made another mental note to get that damned mis-placed ladder out of his office after tripping over it. He left to fulfil his plot.  
  
~*~*~  
  
"Asuka...your aunt in America sent us another door stop" Asuka looked over at Shinji and the edible brick in question. 'Damn, I thought I didn't ger her my new address'.  
  
"It's called fruitcake Shinji" this got a startled 'oh' before he kicked it into a corner.  
  
"So Asuka...what you gonna wear to the NERV Christmas Party?"  
  
"Oh just a little costume I found"  
  
"You mean this one?" Misato strutted through the apartment in a VERY skimpy Rudalf the red nosed reindeer costume. Seeing where the 'red nose' was Shinji nearly passed out from lack of air after the blood hardened from his nose bleed(That I'll leave up to your imaginations)  
  
"Misato! What are you doing in my suit! I have nothing to wear!?"  
  
"So your going naked?!"  
  
Shinji was currently stuffing balled up Kleenex(TM) into every pore of his body to stem the blood from pouring out of him.  
  
Asuka only sighed and exited her room wearing her yellow sundress. The 3 people(well 2 women and one sack of bones being dragged) headed out for the Christmas party.  
  
~*~*~  
  
It was a merry time of year with booze and parties but Gendo saw that everyone was in position in the main office so he donned his Santa hat and walked out.  
  
~*~*~  
  
Shinji had never met Santa before and he was hugging him with all his passion and even crying silent saying little nothings.  
  
Santa had been handing out moderately sized presents to everyone but after being with Shinji Santa gave him 5 of them before disappearing.  
  
"I think, I love the holiday seasons!"  
  
"Shinji, let's open our presents together!" Shinji nodded to Asuka and they tore into the wrapping paper. Once they saw what was inside they clung each other and bawled their eyes out.  
  
~*~*~  
  
"I see, they enjoyed my Fruitcake presents! Muahahaahahahahaha! I truly am evil! MUHAHHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHA!" Gendo laughed all the way to his office and fell unconscious as he tripped over *quote* 'that damned ladder' *unquote*.  
  
~~Christmas gets on everybodies NERV's~~  
  
~~~~~~~~  
  
Wow, somebody actually read it!(and made it to the end alive). This I just felt like doing cause...well just cause. I hope you enjoyed your trip through the wonderfully wacky world of...well there isn't really a name for this piece of CRA...SS fanfiction!(umm yeah that's it). I starting making this to vent some of my frustrations of my other fic.(A Calling of Souls) Let me know what you think about it! Even if it's only obscene gestures I want to know! Should I pump out an addiction to this or has your brains been soiled enough?  
  
Well that was the revised version hoped ya liked it!!  
  
Drakeforbake@hotmail.com 


	2. And I am the idiot of your mind

I OWN EVANGELION I OWN GAINAX AND I OWN YOU!!!!! (/end ego trip) Ok I own the shirt on my back and I think there's an elusive 5 dollar bill in my wallet somewhere otherwise I got nothing! NOTHING YA HERE! (You Hentai's!!! I'm wearing pants too! sheesh)  
  
I am 'borrowing without asking' the characters in Neon Genisis Evangelion. I am going to put them through the ringer that is my mind and below are some of the out comes. It is a truely strange place my mind, so I don't expect too much good can come out of it. With that said! ON WITH THE SHOW!  
  
Revision Version.  
  
"talking"  
*noises"  
  
Any line with a + is a doctor sessionDrunkDrake  
  
Insanity Beckons!  
Interlude 02: And I am the Idiot of your mind.  
~~~~~~~~  
  
"That bastard... I knew he'd never warm up to the holiday season" The doctor muttered as she walked into the session room.  
  
"Oh hello" She blinked as she noticed her patient was waiting for her.  
  
"We're late" The patients voice nearly chilled her to the bone.  
  
"Well, we had some weird difficulties. I really wish somebody would be something one day to that Gendo bastard..."  
  
"Umm, yeah. He's really not so good is he?" The patient twitched in his seat. The doctor always wondered why she insisted to have the patients face away from her to the point where she couldn't even see their clothing.  
  
"Not good? Hell, he's the undertakers bitch slapper, he's the father of the devil and he's a bad father to his only son!" the doctor raged.  
  
"Errr, well doc this is about me not you" the doctor crossed her arms as the figure begun to explain another one of their dreams "You'll like this one, It starts as a tale of vengence"  
  
---  
  
Shinji was spying around a corner. He had a mission and he planned to go through with it.  
  
He reached his arm around the corner and hit a light switch. Asuka's room lit up immediately. It was a mess. Well what could he expect from Asuka, all woman in his life made a mess of something.  
  
Something was moving in the bathroom. Asuka's shower was finished, Shinji had to move fast. He tiptoed in and was searching for his stolen SDAT. Asuka had taken it the other day and he couldn't sulk properly without it.  
  
He swung his head left and right as he heard foot steps coming towards Asuka's door. shinji deftly dove behind one of the larger piles of rubbish and poked his eye out as he watched Asuka go to her bed and leave the room with something. Shinji sighed in relief until something he noticed came to his eye under the pile.  
  
~*~*~  
  
Misato was drinking her 5th beer of the morning(she was going to start the day sombre, well sombre for Misato) when she bolted upright hearing Shinji's screaming.  
  
"What the hell is this?!"  
  
"Shinji?!"Misato tore open the door to Asuka's room and saw Shinji lowering into a pile of Asuka's rubbish.  
  
"Ayanami!! Ritsuko!! MIsato!!"  
  
Shinji lowered deeper into the pile as Asuka stood next to Misato staring from the doorway.  
  
"MISSAAATTOOO!!!! MISSAAAATTTT...." Shinji's voice disappeared as his head disappeared under the pile. Misato grabbed Asuka's shirt by the collar.  
  
"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?!" Asuka only stared back in silence  
  
"The biggest damn collection of naked Kaji pictures I've ever seen MISATO!!!" Shinji screamed gleefully leaping out of the pile leafing through a stack of pictures. Asuka only bluched and murmured  
  
"...busted.."  
  
---+  
  
"What!? You'r saying Shinji and Kaji aren't ment to be together?! But their perfect!! Just look at the way Shinji looked at Kaji before the fight with the 14th!!" the doctor fumed  
  
"Ummm, doc. I really, REALLLLLYYYYY didn't need to know that..." the patient fidgeted in their seat.  
  
"Hmm? what your still here? Fine tell me another one" the doctor waved her hand dismissively in the air.  
  
The patient sweated as he forgot what his dream was about so he winged it.  
  
---  
  
"Ring around the rosy. Pocket full of Posy!!"  
  
"Oh my god!"  
  
"Round an' round the mul'berry bush, the monkey chased the..."  
  
"This can't be happening..."  
  
"Rain drops keep falling on my head..."  
  
"Misato... left the door open to the beers didn't you..."  
  
Misato and Asuka stared dumb founded at PenPen and Shinji singing together in a drunken stupor. Neither could believe their eyes or their ears.  
  
"Amazing..."  
  
"But I wonder which one is out of key?"  
  
---+  
  
"WHAT?! I'm going to need to get Shinji out of that place!! It's unhealthy! It's unclean!!" the doctor exclaimed fumbled with the phone on her desk.  
  
"Why, which part?" the patient wondered running the half-ass story over his head again.  
  
"The drunken singing Penguin of course!!!" numbers were being pressed now.  
  
"What about the drinking? It was only a dream... Penguins don't do that..."  
  
"Nah, I figured the drinking would be only a matter of time, if he lived with Misato of course" the doctor leaned dangerous near the patient's chair and whispered dangerously "Word must never reach anyone that Penguins do that got it?"  
  
"Ummm... got it...err WARRK!" answered the other side of the line. The doctor and patient alike now stared at the beeping phone.  
  
---  
  
Gendo stared down at Shinji. Shinji stared up at Gendo. Both stared at each other. Shinji spoke first.  
  
"I hate this as much as you do..."  
  
"But let's do this fast, and get it over with"  
  
They nodded and walked down the halls of NERV.  
  
"Over there is the Cafeteria" They walked further.  
  
"Over there is the EVA cages" They turned a corner.  
  
"That's the main office" They went up an elevater.  
  
"Over there is..."  
  
"This is really stupid Shinji..."  
  
"D'uh. Maybe if you hadn't tried for 3rd impact, the UN wouldn't have made 'take your father to work day' mandatory.  
  
---+  
  
"Hey why did you leave for a second anyway?" the doctor questioned her returning patient.  
  
"Ummm... a personal... det... yeah that's it" the patient sweated in their seat.  
  
"Fine whatever... did you know what Shinji's getting for his birthday this year?"  
  
The doctor chuckled to herself as the memory came to mind.  
  
---  
  
"Rei...?"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"This is the day you were created for"  
  
"Yes"  
  
Gendo walks over to the side and stuffs Rei into a birthday cake.  
  
"Shinji will be glad he's turning 16 this year!" A muffled yes was heard through the bakery product. Ritsuko walks in seeing this, and obviously asks the question we're dying to have answered  
  
"So what are the other 200 Rei's for?"  
  
Gendo's glasses do that 'Gendo's glasses flashes'(TM) before answering  
  
"Birthday presents for every pilot's birthday"  
  
"...what about the second child?"  
  
Images of Asuka in Xena leather gear standing over Rei come into Gendo's mind  
  
"Perhaps she won't mind if we skip her..."  
  
---+  
  
"Is that even ethical?" the doctor mused.  
  
"Hey, I pay by the hour here! Get out of your own little world and let me bitch about mine!" the patient fumed again.  
  
"Fine knock yourself out"  
  
---  
  
Gendo the future ruler/destroyer of the world was sitting in his desk in the Gendo position, in fact he was so powerful he could destroy the world with the push of a single button(second draw on the left). Staring down Rei after she had tripped over the damn mis-placed 'sacred ladder'. They entered a staring contest of sorts but Gendo always won because of his semi-god like ability to reflect light off his glasses. This was a little trick he was pround of and was his last resort that kept him higher up then Rei. This little trick he was willing to take to the grave with him.  
  
"Ok Rei! Truth or Dare!"  
  
"Truth"  
  
"What did you and Shinji do last time you were together?"  
  
"..."  
  
"You chickening out? Come'on Rei!!  
  
"Dare...."  
  
"Hey! You can't do a dare! you already said you'd tell the truth!"  
  
"...."  
  
"Rei?"  
  
"We made hot passionate dirty jungle..."  
  
"That's enough Rei..." Gendo wiped the steam on his glasses.  
  
"My turn" Gendo sweat dropped as he saw Rei develope a very hungry grin.  
  
"...Truth..."  
  
"How do you always have the light reflected off your glasses in in a dark room?"  
  
" On second thought I choose dare!" rei's eyes narrow  
  
"Show me how you do that 'light reflecting off your glasses'" Gendo reached for the second draw on the left.  
  
Zap! "Ow!" an AT field blocked the handle.  
  
"We don't need another impact Gendo"  
  
"Damn..."  
  
---+  
  
"Damn soo close too..." mumbled the patient  
  
"What?"  
  
"I always wanted to know how the hell he did that... It's neat little trick that I'd love to have to scare all my co-workers" the patient whined.  
  
"co-workers? you have some?  
  
"Ummm, yeah. Oh that reminds me of another umm, dream I had, while floating upside down in the tub" the patient begun  
  
"Wait, you just just recovered from a comatose state didn't you?" the doctor was puzzled  
  
"Hey stop wasting time! pay by the hour remember? So anyway..."  
  
---  
  
Shinji was at peace. He was at rest. He was enjoying the one time that noone could get to him, where he could be himself and not worry about *DING* annoying everyday *DONG* things that seemed *DING* to *DONG* stack up against him. He was happy *DINGDONG* peaceful *DINGDONGDING* and bug-eyed.  
  
*DINGDONGDINGDONGDINGDONG*  
  
Shinji rolled out of bed rubbing the sleep out of his eyes as he stared bloody murder at the front door. Who the hell would have such an annoying habit as to press the damned door bell at a speed of 3 rings a second?  
  
*DONGDINGDONGDINGDONGDINGDONG*  
  
"I'm coming...i'm"  
  
*DINGDONG*  
  
"DAMN IT I'M COMING!!!" Shinji staggered over to the door and opened it REVEALING!!!!!...  
  
"Nothing... Ok...just stress..It's just stress..." He closed the door and fell asleep again.  
  
"Ahh... grassy fields... no EVA... a beaten and bleeding Gendo... All's good with the world... and I have Asuka as my personal..."  
  
*DINGDONGDINGDONGDINGDONGDINGDONG*  
  
" MOTHER-@#$%^&, When I get you I'm gonna KILL YOU!!!!" He said as he charged the door, tearing it open he saw an empty hall again...  
  
"I, can't handle this... everyday for the past 4 nights..." Shinji broke down crying.  
  
~*~*~  
  
"Asuka, Shinji concentrate harder!!!" Ritsuko was miffed. Both of their ace pilots were looking worse for wear and they're sync ratios only proved it further.  
  
"Ok your done for now..."  
  
When Asuka & Shinji got out they was confronted by Misato.  
  
"So what's screwing up my pilots?"  
  
Asuka replied first.  
  
"Some pervert stapled hundreds of pictures of a naked HENTAI-SHINJI-BAKA over my bed! This is the 3rd night in a row! I can't get any sleep seeing that...that..." Asuka viciously slaps Shinji "HENTAI!!!! I bet you get one of your sicko friends to do it!!!!!"  
  
Shinji merely defended himself as Asuka begun a massive verbal assault. Rei watched this and merely gave a slight smile barely visible to the eye. Her plan to get the highest sync ratio's were working. Why sweat and toil to make hers higher when she could just make the other pilots lives hell and have them drop belong her.  
  
"...Excellent..."  
  
---+  
  
"That sounds so right but yet so wrong..." mused the doctor. One look at her watch told her that she was long over due at the test lab.  
  
"Look ummm, what's your name again?"  
  
"It's..."  
  
"Whatever, I gotta go. Something to do with dummyfluffs or Jadengelions. I forgot already but I gotta go!"  
  
The patient sat up as the doctor departed at a hectic pace through the doors. A muffled "ow" , coming from the other side when once again they closed too soon.  
  
--- (The reason why Gendo wasn't around just before the 11th angel attack)  
  
Gendo was happy today...nope just gas.  
  
"I gotta start cutting back on the steak and taco cheese delights that Fuyutsuki makes at his staff meetings" grumbled Gendo as he walked down the hall. He was almost at his door to his office, when he realized it wasn't just gas that needed release...  
  
"URGGG!!!!!" Gendo raced down the hall to the nearest bathroom.  
  
~*~*~  
  
"Ma'am, we've detected contamination on the 13th protein wall above this floor"  
  
"Well, we'd better continue anyway. Otherwise Ikari would chew my ass off" Ritsuko said before continuing the tests.  
  
~*~*~  
  
"Sir? There's seems to be something wrong with the 13th protein wall"  
  
"Well, could it be serious?" Fuyutsuki wondered aloud.  
  
"Not really. This shouldn't be anything to worry about. This place was just sorta thrown up back then"  
  
"Well let's not have that slow us down. Ikari would chew my ass off otherwise"  
  
~*~*~  
  
Gendo swore he would never eat another steak and eggs breakfast as he sat on the throne. He suddenly lurched as his stomach again churned.  
  
~*~*~  
  
"MAMA! Contamination spreading!!!!!"  
  
"Deploy the pollythoms and neutralize that contamination"  
  
The little robots floated forwards and begunto fire their lasers removing the contamination.  
  
~*~*~  
  
Gendo felt like he had turned green. He was swearing off almost every good thing in his life as his stomach continued to feel his stomach churn as he sat on the throne. He felt his body tense again.  
  
"Ok... I'll talk nicer to Shinji for a day just... uurrrgGGGGG"  
  
Techs outside the hall could have sworn they heard a bowling ball hit the floor right then  
  
~*~*~  
  
"PATTERN BLUE!!!! ANGEL DETECTED!!!!"  
  
~*~*~  
  
Gendo walked with renewed vigor. He felt perfectly normal now. He sat on the chair to his office only to be disturbed by a message saying another Angel attack. With a sigh he got up to leave.  
  
"These angels really don't come with any warning. Good thing it didn't attack 5 minutes ago" he thought as toilet paper dragged from his left shoe.  
  
And the rest is history.  
  
~~~~~~~~  
  
Ok. I really am weird! These are just a mish-mash of ideas that came to my head while typing away. Since none of these would really fit ANYWHERE in most self-respecting author fics, I decided to pump them her instead. AND NO. I have no purpose or plan when making these. I just thought they were funny and deserved to see the light of day.  
  
If ya read this an enjoyd it, gimme a review. If ya read this and hated it, let me know. Stay frosty fellow authors. If you want to reach me my E-mail is...  
  
DrakeforBake@hotmail.com  
  
And that was the revision of chapter 2. 


	3. I am the naked Chibi AsukaReiMisatoGendo...

All hail me!!! the king of Insanity Beckons!!! This is a hodge podge collection of idea's that were good but nearly impossible to make a storyline out of them! Since they were actually semi-good I've devoted this to fic to them!!! Now I reveal to you with great disgust, the newest chapter of IB!!!!  
  
Disclaimer: As your lord and master DrunkDrake, I shall inform you that I'm kind and generous and shall allow you all to 'borrow without asking' my beautiful anime series Neon Genesis Evangelion... Wow you people actually read that? Damn... Now I'll have to plead insanity at the upcoming disclaimer battle with Anno's soon to be arriving Lawyer's.  
  
I must warn you. I believe that the rating of this would be slightly higher then the other versions mostly just because I said so. Also I've had a firm leash on Rei but she suddenly got loose on me... She's running around, so keep an eye out for her... I feel that she's going to cause trouble... Maybe I should have given her more of a staring role in my other fics...  
  
Revisioned Version  
  
Any line with a + is the doctor session  
"talking"  
'thinking'  
~~segment's name~~  
~*~*~ same segment new scene  
(off scene yammering)  
  
DrunkDrake  
  
Insanity Beckons!  
Interlude 03: I am the naked Chibi Asuka-Rei-Misato-Gendo of your mind  
~~~~~~~~  
  
  
  
  
Misato ran down the hall in her heavy bio-contamination suit. The walls all glowed a dangerous red belaying the threat looming over her if she removed her helmet.  
  
She dashed around a corner and descended a ladder. She opened the floor hatch and a burst of air shot past her.  
  
"This might not have been the best idea at the time..." Misato shook her head 'No time for worries... Your committed now. Everyone is placing their hopes on you!!"  
  
She stopped at the bottom of the ladder and turned around seeing the data command terminal that was her mission. She dashed forward.  
  
"Hope..." she typed in a command into the terminal.  
  
"ERROR!? What the hell!?" Misato stared dumbly at the screen as it read Magi will not function command.  
  
"Oh boy... the guys are gonna be pissed..." Misato desperately typed in the command again.  
  
"Sweet monkey Jesus flying over the moon of Uranus, work!!" she screamed as the error message displayed itself across the screen.  
  
Her internal com system came alive just then  
  
"Uhh... Misato? Have you fixed the Magi's systems yet?" Fuyutsuki's nervous voice came over the other end of the line.  
  
"Ummm, well sir I ummm..."  
  
"I thought it was bad when the power went out but when the Magi boot up system didn't include the instructions to set the toilets to autoflush, I just knew we'd be screwed"  
  
"Ummm.. yeah well you see sir"  
  
"I'll inform everyone that the bathrooms are in full working order now. Good job, you deserve a raise!" Fuyutsuki hadn't bothered to note anything Misato said.  
  
Misato only glared at the red flashing "Septic tank full" sirens in her smelly gloom.  
  
---  
  
It was a desperate situation...  
  
"No d'uh"  
  
And things were going from bad to worse...  
  
"This is Neon Genesis Evangelion, what did you expect!!"  
  
and many peoples lives depended on the actions of a few...  
  
"Typical anime"  
  
And once again our heroes descend into the fiery hearts of hell to do battle with their enemies the angels...  
  
"Cliche piece of cra..."  
  
DAMN IT REI LET ME GET ON WITH MY UBER KEWL L33T INTRO!!! JUST CAUSE YOUR MORE BACKED UP THEN THE TOILETS IN THE LAST STORY DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN GET AWAY WITH THIS!!!!  
  
"Says you..."  
  
Ah pardon? I wasn't listening just then.  
  
"This'll show you for not including me in your fics more often..."  
  
I'm sorry Rei, I was on the phone. Look I Gotta go before the next scene starts. If it starts with me in it, then I'll be included in this tomfoolery.  
  
"But Asuka said she'd be here. Just wait a few more seconds..."  
  
Well...  
  
"For Asuka?" Rei does an infamous kawaii-super blinking motion.  
  
Well... sure just a few more minutes...  
  
~~Never mix one part fanfiction with one part Evangelion~~  
  
...Cause I'm sure Asuka would hate if I...*looks around* .... Oh my god...  
  
"That's right your now in your own fic!!!" Rei starred at Drake with glowering dagger scythes swinging from her eyes.  
  
NOOOOO. DEAR LORD SAVE ME!!!  
  
Rei looks down on the poor creature that disgraces the very essence of human existence "Your now an ACC, you must abide by the laws of the 'FICS', so put those "" things around you words" Rei picked up the sorry excuse for an Earthling and hefted it's worthless carcass around like it was but paper mauche.  
  
Ok, lemme try... Lik"e this?" Rei shook her head. 'Damn first timers'  
  
"No"  
  
"Ok I think I got it...now" the pathetic little doll that had resemble to the bottom feeders of the...  
  
"Who the hell is doing that!?"  
  
"what?" Rei stared with apathy at the soon to be boneless mound of flesh that...  
  
"THAT!!!" screeched the homo-sapient precursor  
  
"Oh? You mean the blatant diss'ing?" Drake nods his head. Rei points at the computer screen hovering above them.  
  
"Up there is Rei the first. She's replaced you and your duties for now" Drake blinks as he see's a little 5 year old Chibi Rei wave back at him from across the screen.  
  
"She's a fanfic writer?" Rei nods "when did that happen?"  
  
"Well you see, Gehirn was really a fanfiction support group that supported each other with their works and gave awards to good fics" Drake though stunned from the news nods his head "Well, you see this really big contest was going on and while I forgot the reward everyone wanted it"  
  
"Right..."  
  
"Well anyway. Noaki Akagi was the best of the best writer there was... But Rei numero Uno" Rei points at Chibi Rei and Chibi Rei waves back again "did the one thing that wins in any fic contest... a lemon"  
  
"Dear Lor"d drake sighed  
  
"Your getting lazy again" drake looks up and views the his last typed line.  
  
"So I am... so I am, go on"  
  
"Well the lemon starred Noaki as some evil S&M, Gendo-izer, dominatrix" Drake listens fascinated "that was actually Yui in disguise"  
  
"Ohh... now we know why she choked Rei-1 eh?" Rei shakes her head.  
  
"No, you got her all wrong. Noaki was so depressed she went back to her collage days. She was high enough to suffocate from lack of air and the shrooms she wiffled made these weird pictures in her head..."  
  
"How do you know all this?"  
  
"Simple. I have Rei-1 implant all information of this story into my head. I am all knowing" Chibi Rei waves again.  
  
"'nuff of the author ego trip and get on with the story!"  
  
"Story?... There was a point to this segment?" Drake scratches his head as Rei ponders. Even chibi Rei looks confused.  
  
Drake looks off to the side as an orange flashing light appears on the side.  
  
"YES, time's almost up!!! I'm almost out of here!!!" Rei looks downcast.  
  
"As soon as this segment is done, I'm free!!!" Suddenly the screen with Chibi Rei-1 enlarges and over shadows Drake.  
  
"But since you were included in the content of this fic your now an ACC"  
  
"Dear lord nooo... It's worse then that isn't it...?" Drake paled  
  
"Yes. You are now a SI character. You can and WILL be brought in again several more times.  
  
Drake's pathetic little girly scream echoed across the expanses of the Evangelion universe as his fears were realized. The world suddenly flipped upside down and he found himself sitting in front of his computer with a segment added on 'Insanity beckons'.  
  
"It was all just... too much caffeine too much school not enough sleep... yeah, I'm just crazy, I never went to Evangelion world..." Drake sighed as he leaned against his comfy computer chair. Just a dream... and a poorly written one at that... Oh well. I guess I'd better get back to work.  
  
---+  
  
"Grrrr... Even I could have programmed the Magi to do the damned auto-flash but nooooooo" the doctor slammed her hands on her desk "She had to go and install musical chairs!!"  
  
"Pardon?" the patient looked over their chair at the fuming doctor.  
  
"Oh... Well you see the magi will only flush the toilets that they deem 'still in game'" the doctor frowned.  
  
"So your saying that the magi and allowing the toilets to back up!?" the patient nearly screamed in horror.  
  
"Only until the next round starts..."  
  
"How about I tell you a bit about my past... That'll help calm our queasy stomachs till they fix the Magi..." The patient then got a lofty look in their eyes and started...  
  
~~The revelation~~  
  
Keel bashed his fist on the tables surface. His frustrations were getting the better of him. Gendo had practically bullied them into giving him what he wanted.  
  
"So much resources he needed... he must be desperate" mumbled one of Keel's Co-conspirators.  
  
  
Keel dumbly nodded as he watched Gendo go about his 'ultimate plan'.  
  
"He's a bigger fool, if he thinks he'll be able to pull that off faster and better then us" came a mumble from some where off to the left.  
  
Keel nodded with his kindergarten chum. The 12 little kids watched as Gendo tried to give Yui Ikari his hand made paper puppets. The 7 year old Yui gave Gendo a kiss and skipped away happily with her new gift. Gendo's little dorky car reflectors(glasses before they got cool) smiled happily and sat in a corner holding his cheek.  
  
"Ok guys. Let's say in... 2000 something we all gang up on him and show him who's boss. No body steals our girl!!"  
  
The 12 heads belonging to Savour Emerged Evil Little Engels all nodded in agreement.  
  
"Keel, why did you want us to us the German word for angel?"  
  
"Cause it's cooler you pointy nosed ostrich!!"  
  
~~The coffee break~~  
  
"I tell ya working for this new author is a back breaking business" Misato paused as she chugged her coffee "My throat nearly died on me with all the screaming and cursing he's had me doing in his fics"  
  
"That's nothing. I'm a Shakespearian actor and he's barely even using me as filler" mumbled a sour Ritsuko. The entire eva cast sat along the table sharing their drinks and their thoughts in a rare break between fics.  
  
"I sort of like the guy..." Shinji said rubbing the back of his head. Asuka begun to stare a gaping hole through his hea.  
  
"Your only saying that because he's always trying to pair you with a girl, usually Asuka might I add" Hyuga muttered through his coffee 'lucky guy... least he gets a shot at a girl'  
  
"Dudes, this is a coffee break DURING eva not between eva fics" Drake stated leaning out of his screen over them. They all sighed sadly and went off with their chains dragging behind them.  
  
~~The coffee break~~(TAKE TWO!!)  
  
"So Misato, what are you planning to do?" Misato looked up from her coffee at Ritsuko who just entered the room.  
  
"Well... I was planning on going for a swim in my new back yard pool" Ritsuko eyed Misato as if she had just said she was the gingerbread man.  
  
"Misato you don't have a backyard, you have an apartment. And there's no pool there" Ritsuko finished filling her cup of Joe and sat across from Misato.  
  
"Oh really? You didn't notice that I asked the 10th angel to do some redecorating?" Ritsuko blinked.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Oh well, you remember when he dropped that super small piece of himself at the city?" Ritsuko nods " Well I asked him to give me a pool"  
  
"Right... and how would an angel attack create a pool, at your apartment?"  
  
"Well NERV's policy doesn't allow nasty looking craters. You filled it with something remember?" Ritsuko blinked and laughed at Misato.  
  
"What's funny Ritsu?"  
  
"That's not water that's blue pavement" Misato suddenly paled.  
  
"OH SHIT. I invited Shinji and Asuka's friends over for a pool party!!!" Ritsuko calmed down and watched Misato.  
  
"So?" Misato paled and screamed Ritsuko before storming out  
  
"SO?! Kid's are gonna be diving off my 11th story balcony!!!"  
  
~*~*~  
  
"You know red-devil. I think I'll be nicer to ya... you got a cool pool and everything now"  
  
"Ahhh don't worry about it Toji!! Let bygones be bygones. Go ahead you get first jump!"  
  
"Thanks... Asuka... I think we might be friends one day" Toji leapt off the balcony as Asuka's face screwed into a very nasty smirk.  
  
"In hell, which you'll soon get a close, personal and indepth look at"  
  
~~Operation, Save Ikari~~  
  
"Another segment given over to that foreign slu..." Drake reached across the computer screen and covered Rei's mouth "Mff, mfftt, tff, ghhmmff, FFFTT, EEWWWW!!"  
  
"I'm glad, I'm part SI now... On with the show!!!" Rei bites Drakes hand and he screams.  
  
~*~*~  
  
"AHHHHHH" Asuka sat up from bed as she saw the naked Shinji posters over her bed again for what? The 19th time this month? It was getting worse.  
  
"Mein Gott in himmil..." Asuka started to pull the offending objects from their home and she was forced to have a look at them as she hastily discarded them in an over flowing garbage can. The first few days weren't so bad... The pictures had been mostly censored or flubbed out from badly or hastily taken shots but tonight's were horrifying... umm... unique.  
  
Asuka paused as she held a life size photo of... ahh.. Shinji's anatomy.  
  
"AHHHH!!! DEAR LORD THIS HAS GOT TO STOP!!!" unlike the others this one she placed almost lovingly on her desk safely hidden as she then stormed out of her room.  
  
"I'll never get to sleep at this rate!!! I'm spewing hormones and I haven't gotten a wink of sleep for..."  
  
("Told ya she's a sl..." Drake's now bandaged hand covers Rei's mouth)  
  
Asuka paused as she found something that shouldn't have ever left her room...  
  
"A naked Kaji picture..." She picked it up and examined it in the light.  
  
"year..." she sniffed it "2009. The film..." she looked at the back "...Kodak" She sniffed it again "freshly handled... by..." she licks the edges with a thoughtful look "Shinji..."  
  
Shinji sneezes in his sleep, startling Asuka's who's outside his door.  
  
"Why would Shinji have my private stash of 'special Kaji' pictures?" Asuka tapped the 'special Kaji' picture that held a sheepish looking Kaji trying to cover up and wave at the same time. Her mind clicked.  
  
"He's a sausage swindler!!! A pipe cleaner!! Oh no he's a broken arrow!!" Asuka slammed the door to Shinji's room open and landed on top of Shinji after she flung herself at him.  
  
"Da hell...?" A groggy Shinji mumbled as he felt the sky begin to fall. He opened his eye's to see Asuka staring at him.  
  
"Dear lord, Rei not again. I'm beat..."  
  
(Rei smiled and Drake frowned. Even with the semi-god like powers that Drake possessed as an Author, he couldn't prevent something as random and hormone driven as teenage dreams)  
  
'Ok, so all his earlier descriptions don't exactly fit him if he dreams of stuff like that... wait a minute did he just say...'  
  
"WHY WEREN'T YOU DREAMING ABOUT ME!!!!! WHY WONDER BITCH!!" Shinji blinked and together they blushed 'irk... come on Asuka, cover it up! Think of something!!!'  
  
'Oh sweet mother... Did I just say that out loud?! Come on Shinji think of something!!' Shinji's eye's wandered a little 'lower' from Asuka's face 'that'll do...' he starred at his new found twin targets.  
  
"Why did you have this Kaji picture!!!" Asuka found a good excuse finally. Shinji blanked and pointed at his desk. One check showed her everything.  
  
"Shinji's delivery service!? All the Kaji pictures you could ever want!!!" Asuka then saw the list of expecting clients "HIKARI, MANA, MAYA, THE FEMALE MECHANIC IN CAGE 7!!!"  
  
Asuka's breath caught in here throat when she read the last name.  
  
"FATHER?!!??!" She pointed at the name in question... Shinji shrugged.  
  
"He said it would give him leverage"  
  
---+  
  
"That last line couldn't be legal..." mused the doctor.  
  
"Damned if I care, they'd better have fixed the toilets by now!!!"  
  
~~~~~~~~  
  
Dear lord, my eyes!!! My eyes!!! They're perfectly fine after reading this... that's very odd. Anyway this is one of the more weirder things I have ever placed outside my imagination.  
  
If you wanted something abit more... I don't know... serious, straight forward or follows logical sense, read one of my other fics. Otherwise this may be thy poison for you!  
  
I revised all 3 of my Insanity beckons chapters at once to allow my readers to slightly understand whats happening. If your wondering, the doctor is Ritsuko Akagi. Anyone wondering each chapter is a different time setting as she does her job as the good doctor.  
  
DrakeforBake@hotmail.com  
  
Well That was fun eh? Read, review, flame, laugh and glare! that's life! 


End file.
